♡♡♡

it was 4am when i thought of you,
and 6am when i began writing this.

it's your 21st birthday, and i still think it's amazing how God's blessing for me came in the form of You. 21 years of living and i've never been more grateful to be introduced to you.

i only got to know you within a couple of years and now, i could not even imagine a life without you in the future.

loving you, lukman nurhakim, has always been easy. but i could not say that it was the same for you. i am often scared and anxious, but throughout those fears, you were always there for me. and while it's hard to break the old habit, i've recently learned to love myself a bit more — that if you could see the good in me, then i should be able to see it myself too.

it's still very hard for me to bare myself around you. in many circumstances, i am still shy and embarrassed to be in your presence. having you as my boyfriend is a surreal experience, and while i am grateful that we came this far, i still can't grasp my mind around it. (it's not you, it's me, baby. no emotional object permanence.)

for your 21st birthday, i went through a crisis. i had this sudden realisation that i had nothing to offer. well i mean, the doubt has always been there, loitering around, but i guess it suddenly decided to smack me in the face.

as lowly as i am, i wanted to do more for you. i wished i could do more for you. but asides from gifts, what else do i have to offer? often times, i wish i was prettier, smarter, so that i could be on par with you.

but, at the end of the day, whenever you call me to remind me that you love me still, i would know that i do not have to be perfect to be with you.

and all that's left was for me to put faith in you, that you love me for who i am, as much as i do with you.

i love you, lukman nurhakim. truly.

i love you to the moon and back ♡

i love you to the moon and back ♡

birthday wishies!